User blog comment:Zepekinio25/Monster Girl Quest : Servant of the monster lord/@comment-178.40.6.190-20140508104549

The prophet once told: "I've seen stuff like this before. In my nightmares."

And he was right!

Numerous spelling errors, even though you said someone (Kain McBride) was proof-reading it for you.

No capital letters whatsoever.

Weird punctuation at the end of the sentences, for example "?,". What the hell is that?

Inconsistent exclamation/question marks and sometimes there is none punctuation at the end of the sentences at all.

Weird BGs what doesn't fit the descriptions of the text nor the style of MGQ. (the scene with breakfast at the morning, "weapon shop" etc.)

Sprites are most of time of the center of the screen. (for example, in the scene where Nolwen is seeing images of HK or the dark figures in the space/dreams etc.)

A lot of missing "@" or "\", you know what I'm talking about...

Unexplained changes of backgrounds and position of the characters. (meeting the HK for the first time for example)

Names stays displayed while BGs or sprites are in motion.

Voiced "next question" line... Well, I didn't expect that... It's weird to hear it every time you want to ask different question.

Voiced "What was noise?"... OK, this is getting ridiculous!

Nolwen's name is displayed in the fight menu.

Sound effects for the fight with Alice are missing. (no sound for her binding attack)

If I can, I would like to give you a few advices...

Don't use "???"/"???2"/"???3" so much. "???" with number looks weird. Use rather a brief description of the character. For example, don't use "???2" for Granberia, when you first meet with her, but use something like "Dragon?" or something similar in that sense. And I would change "4 heavenly knights" to "Heavenly Knights" or "Four Heavenly Knights" in that regard. ;)

If the player (MC) is thinking/talking to himself you shouldn't use "Nolwen mind" (it should be "Nolwen's mind" by the way), you should use [name ""] with no name displayed. MC is talking to himself, so no one is talking. (MC = main character)

Watch out for transitions between names and sprites. I recommend you to use [name ""] before every BG/sprite transtion when the next line is said by the player or some other character on the screen. That way the name of the previous speaker won't be display in the column while BGs/sprites are in motion. I hope you understand...

To sums it all up...

The game needs polishing and a lot of it. Not just from the grammar perspective, but from technical and story-wise too. I explained some of the problems before so I won't talk about your grammar for now.

Reaction of the characters on Nolwen's actions are really weird. It bugged me the most when Alice came to Nolwen's cell after his dream. She wanted to suck on his energy, but after he defeated her (no idea what he really did, but I wont think about it.) she doesn't want to suck on his energy anymore. Not even when she is coiled around him in the bed!

Other characters had a little weird reactions too, but it doesn't matter in the overall really. The story is... well, different, but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing.

Story telling isn't perfect, there are lots of errors (even after Kain McBride "proof-reading"), custom BG are bad and looks like they were made in microsoft paint (sorry, that's the truth), main character isn't really appealing to me, but I will give you credit for trying. I don't know how much you worked on this, but even if you have worked really hard on it. It doesn't change the fact that there are many flaws and it needs a lot of work or rather revisiting/rewriting every line from the start to the end.

You can think I'm just a hater or I have something againts you or your game, but that's just how it is. In the game industry if the game have so many flaws, it's simply bad and there is nothing what you can do about it. If this was an actual game and I could gave it a rating from 0 to 10 I would give it:

3/10

One last thing...

Ero-attacks... I have no problem with them from the game's perspective, but there are three problems:

There is no description what is Nolwen doing while using an ero-attack.

There is no reaction from the target. NOTHING! What totally destroys the whole point of ero-attacks.

If we think about ero-attacks as an actual "attack" there is a problem. When you start touching/sucking/licking/kissing woman's breast, her crotch, lips, thighs, neck, you name it. The man will get aroused too!

So when Nolwen is using an ero-attack his spirit should be lowered a little too!

P.S: Spare me of your rumbling about me being a hater and not giving you any feedback or advices. I gave you a pretty long feedback with lot of advices in my opinion.

And it doesn't matter that your native language isn't English! Big surprise! It isn't my native language either... I gave you a long review on your "intro". I pointed on the most of the flaws and I hope you will try to correct them.

Hopefully you will get better at English soon... or everyone who will try to read your story will suffer. :D (joke, don't take it seriously)