User blog comment:Troy168/The Ultimate Choice - Idea's?/@comment-26979215-20160101222800/@comment-26979215-20160102010048

With that in mind, I have a few more things to say. But first, I need to emphasize that I am trying to give constructive criticism and help out. I do a lot of creative writing in my spare time and I workshop a lot people's stories. Some people get upset with me or consider me mean but I honestly just want to help out. I have no idea what your level is or how you handle criticism. Seeing as you posted this publicy, I'm assuming you're okay with it but I don't actually know that, so I'm writing this little blurb. And finally, I totally understand this is in a rough stage of development where things have yet to be finalized, I get it. But I only have a partial picture of your idea whereas you actually know what you want it to look like so not all of my suggestions are going to be worth considering but neither do you have to explain your choices.

Moving on, the man being worn out, I can get behind that decision. He doesn't even have to be doing heavy lifting, he can just be worn out from a long trip with moderate supplies, gets ambushed and tries to run away but is too exhausted to escape her. Whatever you choose will work out fine.

The distance to the village doesn't really matter. What matters is that you make it clear, or at least hint at, what each option which results in. If the player doesn't know what the choice is going to do, it isn't a choice, but a guess. It's like being told go through the door on the left or the door on the right. You have no idea which option will do what so end up just guessing. There is no difficulty in making a choice then because it's entirely based on luck. If you have the boy think to himself, "I could go get help but I might not make it back in time," then we, the player, know that this choice might end up with the man raped. So then we have to weigh the possibility of him being raped with the certainty of us being raped if we take his place.

As for the boy, a young man not concerned with religion isn't too odd. Considering the settingthough, it still kind of weird for an entire village not to worship her. If this is a village far away from larger civilian centers or in an inhospitable region or isolated location where missionaries cannot reach them then it make a bit more sense. Part 2 of MGQ also gives us plenty of towns which routinely engages with monsters and know that they aren't so bad which is probably the simplest explanation for why the town doesn't really care about Ilias. That's what I'm assuming you're doing at least.

Also, where are the boy's parents? Mortality rates would be much higher in feudal societies, especially when rape and vore monsters roam the woods but it is still something that should be addressed because most families would remain cohesive until the parents die or children get married off. If he is helping around town so much, I would assume they're dead, he grew up with the village elder and he helps out around town because all the tradesmen don't need apprentices or the boy is incompetent and can't hold down job because he has like ADHD or something. Realistically, a man his age would be learning a trade right now that he would spend the rest of his life doing, supporting himself and his family, in this case little sister. Carpentry and Smithing would work well because he'd have an excuse to go around town helping people out, as well as a possible connection to the man who could be his master, returning from a delivery or job another town over or at a smaller farm nearby.

The man himself could easily be a giant racist or a devout follower of interest who is kind to people but over the years grew to hate everyone around him due to their flippant nature to monsters or apathy towards Ilias.

As for his sister, I don't know. Too young to work? Tried working but injured herself? I'm not really into protective instincts so I don't know how you want to handle this.

For the rape scene, I still don't know the boy's fate from what you've said if he takes his place. I would assume mate or forced marriage but maybe she's cruel and will kill him or maybe she's insecure and super desperate to find a boyfriend considering most people find slug's appearance disgusting.

As for alternative sex scenes, he doesn't need to be attacked by another monster girl if he chooses to go get help. Partly because that would be an insult to the player, as you mentioned, but considering this is a side story you have more creative freedom. The boy could meet another monster along the way to get help, who is friendly or full already and the boy could barter for her assistance, realizing the town might be too far and he probably won't get back in time for help.

For the title, I don't know. I still have no idea what's at stake. If the boy dies or leaves, the town will be sad, sure, but they'll continue with lives after grieving. And if the boys parents are dead, and the village took them in, then I'm sure they'll continue looking after his little sister even if he is gone. And without having spent a lot of time getting to know his little sister, it's going to be hard to feel sad about never seeing again. You mentioned getting a priest to save a village but I don't know from what. Are the slug girls planning a raid? The title could be something like Slug Girls from the Dark Forest: Invasion of Burnold! Stupid and Cheesy like from an old monster movie but it tells me exactly what it is about.

One last thing I need to say, I made more suggestions than critiques in this comment. A big rule when it comes workshopping other peoples' work is not to say what they should do because they're the ones writing it. But considering this is just a design right now, I am merely filling in the blanks of things I do not have. I am not saying to take any my suggestions. I am merely using them as examples because I have no idea what you have actually planned and what you are currently brainstorming.

And I ended up with an even longer comment this time.