Talk:Side Stories/@comment-68.32.159.12-20140103050346

Crimson Tide was alright. Pretty middle-of-the-road, honestly, but that's impressive for a first-time writer.

The soliloquizing was a bit much, but if it's part of your style or whatever it's fine.

Now, while Lionel himself is fine, having someone speak directly to the audience as a way of introducing/closing the story is a dead and buried cliche, and one that ended up that way for a reason: they rarely tell the viewers anything that the narrative itself couldn't have. It works a bit when you can actually hear the person's voice (assuming they have a cool voice), but in text form... Well, I'll admit he serves a purpose for now, because without him, the viewer would have no idea that the story was about the Sabasa king. I'd recommend dropping him eventually though.

Mark and Lily's sprites also looked to be of lower quality than the rest. I'd recommend hiding that by drawing a black outline around them both (to save work: do a black outline around one pic for each character, than just shoop faces around).

For high points: It's clear you put effort in, and that's always wonderful. And you did pick a genuinely interesting topic to explore, even if the narrative doesn't actually GET to the king yet.

Basically, all the flaws present point to inexperience. There's no reason to suspect that you won't eventually produce great things if you keep trying.