User blog comment:Troy168/The Ultimate Choice - Beta/@comment-26979215-20160112034646

Would've have given this a run through earlier but I've been busy for the last little while.

Anyways, I have a few comments. Firstly, about modifiying someone else's work, it would help to state what you're modifying and who made it so we know to what extent is yours and what extent is someone else's. I've used other people's work before as a base to create things and to teach myself how to do it on my own but I never released those to the public, just kept them for personal use. Seeing as this is your first time, your still figuring things and this is still in beta, it shouldn't be a problem but when you officially release this, it should all be your own work. Or the leftover parts that aren't yours should be clearly pointed out and used with permission, but if you can't get permission because the owner can't be contacted, well cited which should be okay so long as money is never exchanged in any part of this.

On to the content, I can tell it was rushed to be completed but it's still playable and the writing is understandable. Some proofreading would fix most of the issues like the usage of "madder" when it should be "matter" or "them" when it should be "then" so I'm not too worried about that because this is just a beta. The internal monologue of the OC is a bit unnatural and needs some clarity in some places but I can mostly understand his reasoning which is important. I really liked the man you need to rescued, despite not having a face or name, he seemed pretty cool. He was worried about the kid's wellfare, urging him to run away, and tried to stand up and do what he can despite the situation. From the kid's point of view and the man's character, I honestly didn't feel that bad about running away. In hindsight of the H-scene, it actually seems like the better choice to leave the man, the man gets to live out the rest of his life in pleasure and the young boy gets to continue his in any way his young mind seems fit.

The only significant critique I can offer is that during the H-scene, near the end, there are too many screen flashes. I understand the effect intended, but it was too excessive and was annoying to see a screen flash after nearly every line.

Overall, good start. Just go through it a couple of times and clean some stuff up, like how the Slug Girl's name changes how it is written a few time and make some dialogue more natural and it'll start to look more official.